News...

So for those of you uninformed folks, my darling husband is leaving. That's right, for Army Basic Training in 23 days. I'm not ever sure how to feel, or what I feel right now. It varies from moment to moment. One minute I'm fine and happy as usual, the next I want to throw up, get in bed and sleep for 6 months. Oh yeah I forgot that part, I won't be seeing him again until AT LEAST August. Yeah--end of the friggin' summer. Fabulous. But on a good note: our bathroom scale says I now weigh 111 lbs, whereas last week it was about 116-117 lbs. hooray!

I'm scared, anxious, worried, sad, and whole array of other emotions I can't quite put a name to. Oh! Yes! This is good too, as if I didnt have enough stress, now the nightmares begin. Yeah, last night I woke up, panting and sweating, and crying at 2am. It's a very sexy look. Wow, there's a lot of sarcasm in this blog. More so than usual. Eh. It's how I deal.
I also have NO vehicle. I haven't since September, but no biggie...Rob has been able to take me wherever. Well I'm not sure he can be in two places at once, even as talented as he is, that may be a stretch for him, so this definitely poses a problem. Easy solution? Drive the jeep. Yeah, its a standard. I'm not exactly the most coordinated person in the world either and trying to learn that crap, and shift when I need to..not good.
Basically as it stands now, I'm an emotional stressed wreck. I try to keep it all in, deal with it, and see the good points, but it's difficult. I don't want to let him know how much I'm panicking, I dont want him to be stressed. I do not want him to be off at basic worrying about me and how I'm coping, I want him to concentrate on the task at hand. But he's a smart guy, he knows me and my moods and emotions. There's only so much I can keep in. He also knows I will cope and be fine. There will be bad days, good days, blah days and horrible days, but bit by bit, I'll get through it.
There is so much to be done, while I still have him here, and there's so much I don't know, such as how things work, how I'm going to be while he is away and having no adult interaction at all. Just me and the kids. No Sarah time, no help..just me.
I'm just going to miss him.
I'm sick of people telling me it will be okay, it will go by super fast, because it won't. This will be one of the longest seven months. I'm sick of everyone saying they know exactly how I feel, they don't know. That's bullshit. It's not going to be easy, it won't go by fast. IT'S GOING TO SUCK. Plain and simple. I adore Rob and I am more proud of him than I can even try to explain, and I am behind him all the way, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it and enjoy it. I'm going to be a brat, and pout, and feel sorry for myself and feel miserable. I think I'm entitled to that much at the least. I'll get through it, because I have to. I have no other choice. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

But I will get up everyday, and put a smile on my face, choke back the tears, and take care of my babies. They will be the reason I get through this, they are why I have to try and be strong.

And I will.

My momma didn't raise a weakling. I will do this. Momma also says that if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. Cliche but true. I will endure. And I will hopefully be better for it.

I love my husband and I want him here. Period