Sunday.

I hate Sundays. At least this Sunday. Perpetually bored off my medium sized ass. I've resorted to watching horrible B rated movies starring blonde celebrity has-beens. I semi cleaned the kitchen..and the bathroom.

Now on to my vent--
I've made half assed attempts at bridging the gap between the dmother in law and I, all to no avail.
I'm over it. This is one momma who has enough drama.I've danced to their tune, turned myself inside out, extended my hand in an effort to bring some sort of closeness to this ever tumultous family structure. I feel like I've run myself ragged pretending to be someone I obviously can't be.
I'm tired of trying..I'm tired of wondering why, I'm bored of walking on eggshells in their presence, I'm sick of feeling like I'm the bad person. I am completely one thousand percent mentally & emotionally exhausted. So that's it. I'm done.
No more worrying that I'm not good enough for your baby boy, no more thinking what's going to happen next?, no more wondering if I'm really as bad as they say, no more being untrue to myself, no more living every day knowing that NOTHING I do or say is ever good enough.
I've done what I can, extended every nicetie I can, extended my hand in friendship her way, and I've gotten nothing in return but heartache, nagging, and overall feeling of worthlessness.
So for now, no more..I'm not putting myself in a situation I feel uncomfortable in, or awkward in. I wont ever make my husband choose between, but that doesnt mean I have to be there. I'm just his wife, I dont have to be part of his extended family. I'm not going to do the pretending, by going to their home, or be here when they are at mine. I can find plenty of good ways to spend my time, and they don't require me putting on an act. You can call it what you want, extreme? Maybe so..but maybe it's time for that. I'm sticking to my guns for once on this. I'm not a pushover and you can't walk all over me.
Not anymore.
I'm his wife, and I am NOT going anywhere. Better get used to it. Accept me or don't, but I will be respected.
It's time for me, time to love myself, to respect myself again.It's Sarah time bitches.